I know I have said this many of times before, but, as moms, we so, so, so, far too often judge one another. Did you see how she was holding him? Did you see how filthy her bathroom was? Good lord that dinner was overcooked! She does what? Cloth diapers are gross. Her baby sleeps in her bed? She is one of those moms. She only buys organic. She makes Kraft! .
The sad news...these are just a few of the things we say about each other. Some are far worse. Far, far worse.
Whether you are a friend, a mom yourself, a woman with baby fever, a woman with a positive pregnancy test in your hand, or a woman desperately trying to conceive, please know:
I am not your competition.
I am your advocate.
I am your biggest fan.
I am your supporter.
I am just like you.
I am scared too.
I mess up often.
I feed my kids Kraft.
But, most importantly, I am not your competition.
How many of us confide in our mothers? For support-for an uplifting conversation? For a simple, it is going to be okay? I know I do. I know that at times, without her support, I may literally crumble and break in two. Why then, can we not do that for one another?
We are all mothers, or wanting to be, or trying to be. So why then, can we not help each other? Support each other? I will tell you why. We all feel as if we are in constant competition. We often compare what we do to what every other mother is doing. We break each other down. We judge. We question. We gossip. However, too much praise on your mothering skills-there is just no such thing! So, just in case no one has told you today, or this month, or this year, or in your lifetime:
You are doing such an amazing job.
There is no job on this planet as demanding as motherhood.
Your kids love you so much.
You deserve a metal.
The amount of clean clothes, toilets, floors, baseboards, and fans in your house is just right.
You are making the right choices.
You are doing what is best for your children.
You are sexy.
You are not my competition.
Sometimes, I really get it right. My kids are clean and well behaved, or my dinner party is perfection. My house is clean, and I cook in heels. My husband smacks my butt in appreciation/affection or slow dances with me in the kitchen. But, sometimes, I get it all wrong! I don't wash my hair. My son sleeps in my bed-every.night. I yell, or worse, scream. I go to bed with black feet because my hardwood floors are filthy. My kids wear dirty socks. My daughter doesn't shower for two days. I make chicken nuggets twice in one week. My husband wants nothing to do with me. All these things are true, sometimes. But, at the end of the day, I am a mom. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to compare myself to all of you.
Finally, I am going to do my very best to remind myself that you are not my competition, and I am not yours. We are all in this together. Whether we agree with one another or not-we are on the same team. We all have the same goal in mind. We all just want to be good mothers. To raise our kids right. To love them unconditionally and if we are lucky-get a fraction of that love right back.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
I was fifteen in 1999
Today I am thirty. Thirty I am. I do not like it Sam I am.
But I have not cried yet.
The deal is, turning 30 is no biggy. It is just another day. Technically, I am only a day older than I was yesterday. 29 and 1 day. What I don't like is that time, all the sudden, is not my friend.
I am not in my twenties any more. No big deal.
I am officially an adult. Maybe I was a while ago? No big deal.
Yesterday I was 29, and one year ago yesterday, I was 28.
All of these things are true.
Am I sad, no. Am I older, yes. Do I feel old, kinda.
In reflection of being on this earth for a short thirty years (I pray I am granted many, many more), here are some thoughts:
In my twenties, I made mistakes-lots of them. I cannot believe that only nine years ago today I was turning 21. How much I have changed in that short time is astounding, unbelievable really. But really, I am not all that different now than I was then. Am I wiser, yes. Am I smarter, maybe. More educated-sure. More tolerant, yes. More patient, depends on the day. I just don't feel like I am all that different.
About two years ago, my uncle Jimmy passed away. Afterward, we watched lots of in home videos, like you often do after you lose someone. It is that last effort to remember them as they were. In the moments you watch, they are still there with you. It was like that while we watched him laugh and dance, and talk to his reflection in the mirror. When I watched those videos with my parents and aunts and uncles and friends, I realized something. My parents had known Jimmy longer than I had been alive. In the videos, they themselves were only in their twenties. It made me take a moment and step back. It made me realize that my parents, my parents, were once just like me. Just yesterday, they were having toga parties and dancing and singing into all hours of the night. My mom had four children by then, all sound asleep (yeah right!) across the street. They were exactly the same as they are now. I realized that soon, I would be their age- and watching videos that were twenty years old would make me feel as if time had stolen something from me, but offered me a gift all the same. I cant rewind and re-do things I have done. I cannot re-make memories already made. What I can do is look back at them. Some still feel like yesterday, like my wedding, my children's births, my college graduation. Some feel as if they were an entirely different lifetime ago, like ghost in the graveyard on a Friday night in Hamby. But they are all mine. When I see my mom and dad look at Addison and Lucas, when I see them make eye contact and nod at one another...I see exactly what they see. They see me. They see a lifetime ago when I was little. They acknowledge that this life is so damn short.
So, on my thirtieth birthday, I see it too. I see that this life has offered me thirty pretty-damn-amazing years. I have two kids that are my heart and soul. I have the most wonderful, handsome husband. I have a family that is too good for the books. I have friends that have been by my side through it all, and friends that are new to my life-all of which are always willing to throw on Togas and dance and sing into the night. I have moments of complete clarity where I know exactly what I want out of this life, and many more where I am left breathless, clueless, and stunned at what life can give and take from you.
In my next thirty years, I am going to celebrate my life. I am going to realize that thirty years from now, I will be thirty years older and I will have these 30 years worth of memories and people to cherish. And maybe, if I am lucky, I will get to see it happen all over again with my boy and girl.
Cheers!
But I have not cried yet.
The deal is, turning 30 is no biggy. It is just another day. Technically, I am only a day older than I was yesterday. 29 and 1 day. What I don't like is that time, all the sudden, is not my friend.
I am not in my twenties any more. No big deal.
I am officially an adult. Maybe I was a while ago? No big deal.
Yesterday I was 29, and one year ago yesterday, I was 28.
All of these things are true.
Am I sad, no. Am I older, yes. Do I feel old, kinda.
In reflection of being on this earth for a short thirty years (I pray I am granted many, many more), here are some thoughts:
In my twenties, I made mistakes-lots of them. I cannot believe that only nine years ago today I was turning 21. How much I have changed in that short time is astounding, unbelievable really. But really, I am not all that different now than I was then. Am I wiser, yes. Am I smarter, maybe. More educated-sure. More tolerant, yes. More patient, depends on the day. I just don't feel like I am all that different.
About two years ago, my uncle Jimmy passed away. Afterward, we watched lots of in home videos, like you often do after you lose someone. It is that last effort to remember them as they were. In the moments you watch, they are still there with you. It was like that while we watched him laugh and dance, and talk to his reflection in the mirror. When I watched those videos with my parents and aunts and uncles and friends, I realized something. My parents had known Jimmy longer than I had been alive. In the videos, they themselves were only in their twenties. It made me take a moment and step back. It made me realize that my parents, my parents, were once just like me. Just yesterday, they were having toga parties and dancing and singing into all hours of the night. My mom had four children by then, all sound asleep (yeah right!) across the street. They were exactly the same as they are now. I realized that soon, I would be their age- and watching videos that were twenty years old would make me feel as if time had stolen something from me, but offered me a gift all the same. I cant rewind and re-do things I have done. I cannot re-make memories already made. What I can do is look back at them. Some still feel like yesterday, like my wedding, my children's births, my college graduation. Some feel as if they were an entirely different lifetime ago, like ghost in the graveyard on a Friday night in Hamby. But they are all mine. When I see my mom and dad look at Addison and Lucas, when I see them make eye contact and nod at one another...I see exactly what they see. They see me. They see a lifetime ago when I was little. They acknowledge that this life is so damn short.
So, on my thirtieth birthday, I see it too. I see that this life has offered me thirty pretty-damn-amazing years. I have two kids that are my heart and soul. I have the most wonderful, handsome husband. I have a family that is too good for the books. I have friends that have been by my side through it all, and friends that are new to my life-all of which are always willing to throw on Togas and dance and sing into the night. I have moments of complete clarity where I know exactly what I want out of this life, and many more where I am left breathless, clueless, and stunned at what life can give and take from you.
In my next thirty years, I am going to celebrate my life. I am going to realize that thirty years from now, I will be thirty years older and I will have these 30 years worth of memories and people to cherish. And maybe, if I am lucky, I will get to see it happen all over again with my boy and girl.
Cheers!
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