I want. I want. I want.

I have been reading a lot of posts lately (correction-I have been tearing up at my desk while reading a bunch of posts) about things we, as parents, hope for our children. And, to follow suit, I thought I would share some of my own. Just as a preface, I have not made a mental list (as I almost always do) before sitting down to write this. I have not jotted notes either. Basically, I have not done what I normally do, pretty much one hundred percent of the time, which is-write in my head before on paper/screen-so be prepared for this list to be all over the place. Some for my sweet baby boy and some for my over-the-top six year old precious lady. Most of all, all for both.

Firstly (although this is not a word, it should be), I hope they experience love. Every single day. I hope they know what it is to be loved and they know how to love someone in return. Not just mom and dad (but please oh please let them love us unconditionally too). I hope that their love is smart. And silly. And a mess. I hope that they love more than once. I hope that their fist love spares their heart just long enough to love again, and maybe again and again. Most of all, I hope they understand that there are all kinds of love in this world and that each is unique and special. Sometimes I am bursting with it and other times I have hated the very four letters that encompass such a terribly difficult emotion. I want all of that for them. Both. 

Second, I want them to work hard. I want them to understand that iPads and NintendoDS are not the root of the world. That there is more to life than Disney princesses and sticks you carry around a gnaw on. And that, in order to have those things-to earn those things (although you don't have to earn sticks per say), you need to work for them. You need to work hard. And I can only hope they enjoy what they do-enough to where it doesn't affect the great parts of life (well, the hours and days that are left after the 40).

I want them to be intelligent. A pluses and high markings are not what I am referring to-although those ain't half bad ;)  I want them to make good choices, which is not to say I don't want them to make mistakes...I know that is inevitable. But intelligence allows for constant learning and constant growing. Which sums it up-I want them to constantly learn and constantly grow. I want them to question (this, I do not fear Addison has missed-she questions just about every single thing that is spoken in her direction). I want them to ponder. I want them to be afraid of the vastness of the universe but I also want them to be ever-curious (like their dad-as I have missed the mark on this one).

I pray that they get so exited about something, or somethings, that they cannot stand the idea of living life without having experienced them. For me, this is not lost. There are so many things I love-that I cherish every day. I am simple. I know this. I get oh-so-very excited when the weather is warm like today (after several days of cold). I can almost feel my six minute quiet commute with the windows down and warm sun beaming on me (before the kids join me). I get excited when it is Wednesday because that means tomorrow is Thursday and that is only one day from Friday. I get excited when I cook something new and it works out-like really works out-like I want more instantly kind of works out. I get absolutely thrilled when I make a list that makes it to the refrigerator and gets even one check mark placed. I am telling you, I am simple. I want that for them. I want them to understand and appreciate all the simple pleasures of life.

I hope they have days where they do nothing and everything all at once. I hope they have memories that are made and never forgotten-ever. I hope that in certain moments they stop and think I will never forget this moment-ever. Like singing into antique furniture dusters with your aunts, at the very top of your lungs, way past bedtime! Like driving across a corn field in an old Oldsmobile for the very first time. Like listening to Red Rag Top when your parents bring home a new Lexus. Like the first hug you share with your husband having no idea at the time that is who he will turn out to be. Like bringing babies into this world. Oh. My. Goodness. bringing babies. Like sneaking around your grandmothers house with cousins looking for treasures. Or strutting down the street singing with cousins. Or making rabbit traps with cousins. Or playing in small parks in Iowa with cousins-talking about life at twelve years old. Or walking down the isle. Having siblings to share memories with-both good and bad, pretty and ugly. (You're welcome for that kids).

I realize by now that each of the things I have listed are things that I love about my life. But I suppose that is what a wish list is. Wishing that all the good things you have in your life are not missed on your children. FAMILY is definitely one that does not get written off (hence all the mention of cousins, siblings, etc). I have come to realize that families really range wildly across the board. Yes, I have really only just come to realize this. When I was younger, I knew not everyone went home to what I went home to. I had friends that raised their parents, friends that didn't have parents around at all, friends with two moms, friends with single parents, friends with parents that suffered from addiction-really I had seen it all. But, it wasn't until my adult life that I gained a real appreciation for the differences rather than thinking I had it better than they did. Some would argue that I did. Shoot-sometimes I would still argue that. But, I have also learned that families come in all shapes and sizes (these are the exact words I share with Addison). Some people simply call their friends their family. Some of us have huge families that share everything (oftentimes too much) and some of us have one or two people in which we list as family. Some people wish they didn't have family (this I cannot fathom and makes me terribly sad). So basically, I want my kids to know that family (whatever shape or size it may come in) is forever. It is thick and thin. It is have your back always. It is sing past bedtime into furniture brushes and share life with. It is every thing.

There are so very many more things I am sure, but as I mentioned, this was not a well plotted planned out list. It was merely a quick response to all these lists I have read recently that touched my heart just a little - or a lot in most cases (my heart is very easily touched). My heartstrings are very easily tuggable, if you will :) Most of all, I want them to have the good stuff from Zach and I. I want to not screw things up too badly. I want them to love me as much as I undeniably cannot-get-enoughaly love them and my parents alike- and I want them to have the things I want them to have. Did I say want too much in this post. I am pretty sure I did.

So...I'm thinking

I really don't quite have a pinpoint on what this post will encompass. Actually, I haven't a clue. I just felt like sharing today. With Hunter and Stacey's wedding looming - it is tomorrow we have been busy doing some prep at home. Zach has been working on their wedding gift for what feels like weeks and I have been tyring my darnedest to keep the house somewhat clean for the in law visit. Lucas and I have both been battling not feeling 100% this week-so I am really hoping my stomach will hush up for the busy weekend ahead. Doubtfully.
I have been following home renovation blogs like a fiend, which has lit a small candle under my butt, if you will. I was able to sand, paint and change out the hardware on all my top kitchen cabinets this past weekend, and now I am dying to get the bottom ones done! What a difference! I had a little help from Robyn, Addie and Zach (all he did was hang them back up for me-I only steal his credit bc I very rarely do a project without his help and I feel like I did on this one). On my sick day this week I also cleaned out the linen closet (it needs a major makeover, but tidiness was first on the list), organized under the bathroom sink (we still had moving boxes under there-driving both Zach and I a little nuts), and cleaned my master closet shelves off with one trash bag donation bag to goodwill. I'm sure I could have accumulated about six bags, but it was a skim clean not a deep clean. I am really ready (ready for Zach) to get the stairs painted and put up a railing and do something about the kitchen floors-asap! Right now we don't have a washing machine and we are expecting a new free stainless gas oven and fridge in the upcoming weeks, so I have a feeling I will have to wait a bit longer...as those things will come first. As much as I enjoy my mom being my laundromat, I have a sneaking suspicion she is over it!
Aside from weekend madness and house renovations, not too much is new. Spring is just around the corner and I cannot wait to see some greenery in the yard again. Barren trees and mud (as oppose to leaf covered dirt) is getting pretty old. Hopefully the sun room will get a phase 1 makeover (cannot quite fit in the time or budget for a phase 2 update just yet) very soon. Here I am talking about home renovations again, I am telling you all the blogging and pinning has started to corrupt my brain.
I promise to post some pics of the house soon. I was looking at some before pics yesterday and it is amazing how much we (again, Zach) have really accomplished!

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Holy How do I Decide

Over dinner with my best friend, we got onto the topic of being a mom (among so many other topics-I don't know how we ever stay on track). She is not a mom. I am a mom of 2. How we, moms that is, get on the topic of being moms even with friends that are not moms is a bit depressing. We should be talking about recipes, shopping, traveling, dating, or shoes, or shoes...or anything but being a mom in the moment when we don't have to be. Either way-we were talking about it. I was basically telling her that being a mom leaves you with a multitude of questions and decisions that are nearly impossible to answer or decide upon. So here is my list (because bloggers love lists, right?). I will preface this list with the reminder that I do not have it all figured out. I have never claimed to. I, in fact, know that I never will.

1. Vaccines-holy moly Lord Almighty help me now. To immunize or not to immunize. That is the question. Have I mentioned that in my lifetime (mere 29 years-yes I said mere) I have never heard of, met, or been in the presence of a Polio or Rubella patient. Not one. Not ever. (Please don't fact check me here, this is a rant people). However, we continue month after month, to shoot our kids with vaccines that their usually obnoxious pediatricians suggest we get-slash if you don't you'll need to look for a new doctor. I was recently at the doctor with Lucas for an ear infection when all the sudden the nurse strides in with a tray full of shots. Um...."What are those for?" "Says here Lucas is 13 months old and he has not had his 12 month vaccines." This is when the fight started. I no longer attend that pediatrician. Not because I smothered that nurse with the stuffed bear in the corner, but because I wanted to (after she gave him the shots-I don't like confrontation and I cave easily-another not so perfect mom trait).

2. Organic. JESUS! Another thing we have to consider. Daily. And not without scrutiny from both sides. Do you feed your child whole, natural ingredients? Do you make your own baby food? Do you milk a damn goat in your sunroom in suburbia for some fresh off the teet goats milk? Um...no! I give my kid broken up french fries and Mexican rice if that is what I am eating...and I buy organic Gerber baby food if it is on sale at Publix-does that count? Which leads me to...

3. Breastfeeding. The holy grail of being the perfect mother these days. If you don't breastfeed-you are evil, selfish, etc. Yes! These are real descriptions of mothers -from other mothers about the choice not to breastfeed. I got a frantic text from a close friend just yesterday asking if it was "OK to quit." How I would have felt if I had quit. Would I ever have quit. These questions from a woman battling thrush. Yikes! The pressure. I breastfed. It was a love hate relationship-the relationship between the me that wanted to, the me that didn't want to, and the me that refused after all the pain, infections, and postpartum sobbing to give up. Do I judge others for not breastfeeding? NO! Why? Because, like me, they are mothers. We should all stick together. Lean on each other. Confide in one another. If nothing else, we should sleep soundly (yeah, right!) knowing that at least one group of people are not judging our every move. We have our mother in laws to do that. Mine is wonderful. I was only kidding.

4. Education. My daughter is in first grade. I have a degree in Education. However, for some reason-I cannot quite get this one together. I am that mom. The one that forgets the return daily folder. The one that does homework on Thursday nights or Friday mornings in the carpool line-or not at all. I don't empty or go through her backpack-ever. Do I know how important my daughters education is? Yes! Do I have time for site word practice-NO! OK-yes, but NO! Do I read with my daughter, yes. Do I listen to her read, unfortunately- yes again. Education is a toughy. I thank my lucky stars I don't socialize or count myself among a group that get on wait lists for preschool and pay college tuition type bucks for kindergarten. I wouldn't survive it. I'd get kicked out the first week-probably for not joining the PTA or burning baked goods for the bake sale or returning the return every day folder once a month. I am not judging those people-simply stating that I get enough questioning and scrutinizing for the aforementioned things. Education is very important y'all-but so is bath time and dinner and ballet, and clean laundry, and sex.

5. Birthday Parties, Sleep Overs, Play Dates, Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning, Teething, Diapering, Appointment making, Grocery Shopping, Breastfeeding/Pumping, Bathing, Singing, Dancing, Cartoon Watching, Choo Choo Train Sound Making, and more. This is just a quick summed up list of things that moms do alongside making all these huge decisions every day.

Are we going to screw up our kids? If we decide to skip a vaccine will our children get Polio, Measles, Mumps? If we decide to vaccinate, will they develop autism? Who knows. Not me. If I forget to return her folder, or feed my son fried pickles with ranch dipping sauce, are they going to die, become obese, get Polio? Are they going to be sub par human beings? I can't say. What if, God forbid, we use regular bumper pads rather than the new breathable ones? What if we let our infants sleep in our beds, or on their tummies, or in our arms, or in their car seats? What if we buckle the car seat in wrong. I'm telling you-some of these things are life or death. And all of these things are questions we face almost every day as parents. It is a tough job. No one will ever tell you otherwise. Buy hey, I am here and my mom chose the answers to all these questions. Did she have help? Yes. Did she ask for it. Sometimes. The only thing I can do for now is seek advice from other moms, talk to my husband, my mom, his mom, my grandmother, my cashier at the grocery store, or vent to my single best friend over lobster tail dinner. Because at the end of the day-we all have the same answers. Some right. Some wrong. Some in between.